No more.
No more do I want any more.
More would be less, from my mooring point.
Take me out. Untie me. Unleash me.
Let me be more of
nothing more
than the
more
of
me.
Copyright owned by Jay Cool, May 2019
Image by Arek Socha from Pixabay
This is Going to Hurt: Book Review
Disclaimer: Should you choose the purchase the reviewed book, via the link below, I will receive a commission at no cost to yourself.
Bog brushes, mobile phones and chicken legs.
First up, the bog brush! Not great for it’s intended purpose, i.e. when used with vigour, it has a tendency to spatter one’s face with a delightful mixture of bleach, water and poo. Not great, either, for the alternative and somewhat creative use one of Adam Kay’s ‘clients’ deemed it appropriate for!
The mobile phone? Best used for keeping a check on your teenagers, once one is securely seated in the local pub, with a pint of mango cider and a good book for company. For this, it is great, except for on the many occasions on which the battery will be flat (courtesy of one of the aforesaid teenagers, having borrowed it earlier to see if it was possible to download Fortnite, and then becoming distracted by your own favourite game of Pacman). Even so, even with such shortcomings, it is still preferable to commandeering it for use as a ….
And the chicken legs? In my opinion, these are best left on the chicken, which is best left to carry on pecking at the corn on your smallholding. But in my carnivorous sprog’s opinion, the chicken leg is best cooked for about 35 minutes and then stripped of all its skin and flesh by one’s fangs in a feeding frenzy, before the bones are disposed of in one’s kitchen bin. And, there is no doubt at all to my mind, that chicken legs should absolutely never be used for …
Unfortunately, being as respectable an eccentric sort of Salopian as I am, it would not be at all appropriate for me to detail any nonconformist uses for this wonderful trio of products here!
Curious? In which case, read Adam Kay’s masterpiece of a memoir and find out for yourself …
Warning: What you will find out will not be pleasant!
Copyright of this book review owned by Jay Cool, The Silly-Savvy, but eminently-respectable, Salopian blogger, May 2019
Me: A Silly Poem
Me, me, me and more me.
Munching through myself, I write more and more.
Mumbling more and more about me.
Meness.
Am I just a mumble?
A mere mumble?
A mumble of meness?
Mumble or not, I keep on munching, making mountains and mountains of the
meness of myself.
Copyright owned by me, Jay Cool, May 2019
Has to Go: SSS Politics
She has to go.
Has to go as she hammers it home;
as she hams up her deal for hammering it up with Corbyn.
She was the one.
She was the one tapping a pencil on her desk,
tap, tap, tapping it up, vying for attention from her teacher.
She is not for me.
But she still has not gone, as I bash, bash, bash her with
my air-filled mallet – pleading with her to listen.
I have a pin.
And a stab, stab, stab at her heel
letting out the air and deflating her.
Copyright owned by Jay Cool, May 2019
‘Soap Bubbles’ image courtesy of Pixabay.com
People’s May Pole: SSS Politics
“Colleagues have paid dearly for our prime minister’s failure to believe in and back the decision of 17.4 million voters to leave the EU. People are sick of our incompetence and inability to deliver and to honour our promises. We will be annihilated in the Euro elections if we break another promise and adopt Corbyn’s customs union plan.” (The Guardian)
Elated.
Elated and unable.
Unable to grasp why, when I, and many others, voted for Green or Lib-Dem local election candidates, the lovely Theresa – celebrated.
Does she have an O’Level in Maths? Does she even have a C.S.E.? Is she really unable to interpret a simple bar chart?
Has it escaped her notice that the parties with the largest gains were the Greens and Lib-Dems, and that the bars slinking down, all depleted, represent Conservative and Labour?
Seemingly so! Theresa appears to be blinded to the rather major issue of the Greens and Lib-Dems being Remain supporters, with both parties backing a call for a second referendum; a fact that would surely indicate to anyone, with even the most minimal powers of interpretation, that those defecting to the Greens and Lib-Dems are shouting out to have their voices heard – shouting out that they have changed their minds, shouting out that they want to remain a part of the wider picture. Shouting out that they now want to remain in the EU!
Instead, she deduces that the voters have abandoned the Tories in droves, because their unanimous wish for Britain to leave the EU has been ignored.
Theresa, you changed your mind! After voting to remain in the EU, you did a complete U-turn, in your bid to grasp hold of power! And now, like a cling-on, you stubbornly hang on to your solitary pole, strutting your stuff, and looking down upon, and ignoring, us lesser mortals who swarm around the dance floor, desperately looking up at you, trying to catch your attention, trying to find a way through to you, to take a pop at your bubble.
Theresa – it’s time! Time to slide down that pole, time to face reality – time to listen! Time to change!
You did it once before. You can do it again! And, after all, really, as far as you are concerned, there won’t be a change.
The real you, the you without an alter-ego, didn’t wanted Britain to leave the EU in the first place!
Copyright owned by Jay Cool, May 2019
‘Pole Dance’ image courtesy of Pixabay.com
Assassin: A Savvy Tale
Sassy.
Swinging her cloth bag, she saunters along the sauce isle, stopping only to grab her selection.
Not Tesco tomato sauce, no – only the best for her (or for him)!
Heinz it is.
High sugar content needed.
She pops the lid, peels back the silver seal, tips up the bottle, holds it high and sups the sap.
Just a sip, mind. Just the smallest of subtractions. She’s saving the remainder –
the sum of it –
for him.
Jaunty, hips swaying and bag still swinging, she saunters on, stopping only to swivel.
Sudden-like, she shoots.
He screams. Arms flailing. Hands swiping. Face all splattered and bloody.
With red-speckled cloth bag – still swinging – she saunters on out.
All sassy.
Copyright owned by Jay Cool, May 2019
Image courtesy of Pixabay.com (Creative Commons)
Gum: A Silly Poem
Gum.
Mounting up in my upside-down world.
A pile of sticky mass threatening to consume me, crowding me out of my hiding place.
Time to leave, to re-emerge into learning.
Too late.
It drags me in by a single strand of my hair.
Eyelids unable to open, cheekbones redefined, ears silent.
Sir’s voice; my learning; me –
no more.
Copyright owned by Jay Cool, April 2019
Image by Gisela Merkuur from Pixabay
A Scorcher: A Savvy Poem
I emerge from the edge of your denseness,
and keep on moving, only stopping when
I reach the space in which the tip of the sun’s
longest ray reaches me to tap upon my head.
In solidarity with this friendliest of touches,,
I become a bright-orange glow, shining back
at you – hot, hot, hot and …………..scorching!
copyright owned by Jay Cool, April 2019
Image by Enrique Meseguer from Pixabay
Six: Silly Poem
Protest: A Savvy Poem
Rot.
A lot of old rot.
A lot of rotten old tests pushed at me by rotten old people.
Old people and old tests.
All rotten.
And all best left to rot.
A lot!
Copyright owned by Jay Cool, April 2019
Image by F1 Digitals from Pixabay
The Silly-Savvy Salopian in Suffolk: read, believe and write ... 