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Bog brushes, mobile phones and chicken legs.
First up, the bog brush! Not great for it’s intended purpose, i.e. when used with vigour, it has a tendency to spatter one’s face with a delightful mixture of bleach, water and poo. Not great, either, for the alternative and somewhat creative use one of Adam Kay’s ‘clients’ deemed it appropriate for!
The mobile phone? Best used for keeping a check on your teenagers, once one is securely seated in the local pub, with a pint of mango cider and a good book for company. For this, it is great, except for on the many occasions on which the battery will be flat (courtesy of one of the aforesaid teenagers, having borrowed it earlier to see if it was possible to download Fortnite, and then becoming distracted by your own favourite game of Pacman). Even so, even with such shortcomings, it is still preferable to commandeering it for use as a ….
And the chicken legs? In my opinion, these are best left on the chicken, which is best left to carry on pecking at the corn on your smallholding. But in my carnivorous sprog’s opinion, the chicken leg is best cooked for about 35 minutes and then stripped of all its skin and flesh by one’s fangs in a feeding frenzy, before the bones are disposed of in one’s kitchen bin. And, there is no doubt at all to my mind, that chicken legs should absolutely never be used for …
Unfortunately, being as respectable an eccentric sort of Salopian as I am, it would not be at all appropriate for me to detail any nonconformist uses for this wonderful trio of products here!
Curious? In which case, read Adam Kay’s masterpiece of a memoir and find out for yourself …
Warning: What you will find out will not be pleasant!