16: Getting Out of the Kitchen

Disclaimer: I will receive a commission from Amazon if you choose to purchase a garden-storage container via the image link.

Okay, so this post should really be titled ‘Getting Out of The Kitchen 1’ but, it’s really a continuation of my ‘Getting Out of The Day Job’ series – it’s just that the original blog is evolving and changing, as I realise that Mrs Hinch, helped by my family, is doing her best to thwart my writing ambitions by tying me to the kitchen sink!

At the point I left you in the last post, I was just in the process of fleeing from my kitchen and out of my front door. And, unlike Mrs Hinch, whose idea of Narnia is wardrobe in her garage full of cleaning products and adorned with fairy lights, my Narnia is in the world beyond and inbetween.

With my life about to begin again, i.e. minus the day job, I’m not quite ready, yet, for the world beyond bit; but I can share with you the wonders of the world inbetween. So please, my one and only follower (i.e. Richardo Scribblero) step out and into my Narnia.


Starting with the image on the bottom left, you will understand why I am making a quick exit …

And you will absolutely get why I am now kneeling down on the pavement of a very ordinary housing estate, looking up in awe at these tangerine beauties. Their colour tone is reminiscent of the shade of my hair a few weeks ago, when I stood at the peak of Roseberry Topping – and before my roots started to grow out!


I am sure that you can see the obvious resemblance with just the minor difference that I, Jay Cool, full of my own self-importance, had planted myself upon a mountain top in Cleveland, whereas the floral numbers have planted themselves in far more humble and lowly locations around the housing estates of a small town in Suffolk.

But, I digress. Join me as I proceed further into Narnia …


More shades beauty to match my own subtle nuances! I’m thinking now that, perhaps, I should go for some pale pink hair dye with which to cover up my greying roots. Good idea? subtle pink I have to say that I did look rather fetching when I last tried out the pink look!

I can see by your reaction that you totally agree!

And, not only do I look great in pink, my feet look fantastic in poppy red and blossoming purple:

pink and purple foot

For anyone who has fallen in love with my foot, you can purchase your own stunning pair of purple shoes from Clark’s!

Wow! Don’t all rush out to your local Clark’s shoe shop at once – you’re supposed to be following me!

Let us proceed further along Melford Road ….


… and make our way over to the water meadows, via the path alongside Melford Hotel (what’s left of it!). Now for those of you who are interested, and those who are not, this is the part of the meadows that our lovely-local MP James Cartlidge, campaigned to build a by-pass over:


Can you believe it? How could any person in their right (or wrong) mind think it moral to paste grey concrete all over Sudbury’s pride and joy? What was (and probably still is) going on inside that man’s head? Doesn’t he ever step out of his own house and go for walks? Does he look at the natural beauty all around him? Does he read the letters of objection sent to him from the great and wise unnatural beauty, Jay Cool? Possibly not!

And the beauty doesn’t stop with me:


So glad that James’ campaign fell on deaf ears, but such a shame that so much money was wasted in the doomed proceedings! It’s beyond credulity that a previous report into the feasibility of the said bypass cost £375,000! And, the local council doesn’t even learn from it’s past mistakes. The latest research cost them between £300,000 and £1 million, depending on whose estimates one chooses to believe (i.e. the lower figure having been put forward to the press from our friend James)!

And such a shame that our local Labour spokesperson, Jack Owen, also lost his marbles over the whole affair.

How tragic, Jack, that ‘the residents and visitors to our great town will be left with another 40 years of traffic misery’ and that, instead, we will be able to continue to enjoy these truly uplifting scenes:


Just where else did you think I would go, Jack and James, do the research necessary for my forthcoming novel ‘Fractured Faeces’?

No wonder the Green Party has been so successful in today’s European Election results! I, for one, once an avid Labour Party supporter, have gone over to Green! Granted, if anyone started up a Ginger Party, I would join that, but beggars can’t be choosers! But, who knows, now that I’m getting out of the day job, perhaps there’s a future for Jay Cool in political party leadership.

Watch this space for further news on the three Js of politics!

In the meantime, take a look at this ginger-haired* wonder!


This follower is welcome to become the second member of my newly formed Ginger Party, especially as this particular beast has a sample of its faeces hanging on by a thread under its bits and pieces.


If dandelions really make one wet the bed, then it’s a small price to pay for such an endearing blossom. And I’m going to steal the colour and design of that pink leaf for my new range of wallpaper.


Poppies speak for themselves. Every time I see one, it takes me back on a journey back through time to when my something-many-times-removed cousin from Oswestry in Shropshire, Wilfred Owen, and his contemporaries, John McCrae and Siegfried Sassoon, wrote about the tragedy that was World War One.


As for the further appearance of cattle, I am in two minds. On the one hand, I’m proud to be a vegetarian. Why eat such stunners? On the other, I’m aware that if some undesirable others weren’t quite so carnivorous and non-discerning, these fine specimens would very likely not be here for the viewing!

Continuing on to a second appearances by myself, then I do wonder what this world is coming to! Why is this woman (if that’s what she is) allowed to freely graze upon Sudbury’s common lands? Why isn’t she locked up? Have the authorities wasted so much money on middle-school closures and bypass plans that they’ve forefeited the obvious? Where is Sudbury’s lock-me-up?


No, Hubby! This does not give you carte blanche to shop around for our own lock-her-up trunk from Amazon:

In any case, I’d soon break out of there …

Walking on, I find myself riveted by the base of a lopped-off tree. Makes me think of my ancestor, Anne Boleyn’s tender neck, when her head was sliced off. Could this happen to me, if I step out of my womanly role as a seen-and-not-heard Cool, to make a stand against all issues related to the ruling elite, i.e. Brexit and Bypass?



Should I build a shack and hide myself amidst the purple foliage that surrounds me?


Or should stay out in the open and follow in the footsteps of Thomas Gainsborough, making use of my creative talents by producing and selling (for extortionate prices) a few one-off landscape paintings?


I’m jumping too quickly from one project to another? Yes, you could be right. Before I start on the landscape painting, I need to make my mark as a photographer. I’ll start by upgrading this awful Nokia mobile phone I obtained from Tesco. It’s **** for taking close-up shots – I’ve had to leave loads of my efforts out of this post. Any recommendations for a mobile phone that takes decent close-up shots? A phone that is sure to gain this blogger in excess of a million followers?

It’s not that I’m greedy; it’s just that I need the resulting revenue to pay for the house I’ve just set my sights upon. Take a look! It’s almost akin to the witch’s house in Hansel and Gretel, except that it’s in the beautiful setting of Sudbury’s water meadows, and that I’m more of a good fairy, albeit an eccentric one, than a witch (no comments allowed!).


And the beauty of my surroundings (and of myself) knows no bounds. But a little voice inside my head is nagging at me, telling me it’s time to return to Hubby and the sprogs. Time to tackle that kitchen again head on (i.e. perhaps the elves have cleaned it all up again by now!).

But, brushing the pangs of my conscience aside, I manage to find time for a few more shots, before I abandon Gainsborough, the meadows, and all hope …


Even as I leave the meadows and venture back through the local housing estates, I continue to be dazzled by the full spectrum of rainbow colours at every corner, nook and cranny.

And if, as I suspect, you are questioning my choice of image, when selecting the following pic of Sudbury’s B & Q store, then just take a look at that wondrous shade of bright-sunshine orange, and – stop right there!


I descend into the underworld of the underpass and re-emerge close to a Tesco store. And it seems fitting to end on the ‘Stop Bullying’ image that greets me!


Why indeed! This mural was painted by the students of Sudbury’s historic middle schools. Historic because, in another money-wasting scheme, Suffolk’s local  authority made an undemocratic decision to close down our much-loved middle schools, i.e. the middle-school staff and students were all bullied out, against their objections, as the schools were unnecessarily shut-down and demolished.

Please Suffolk! Please, don’t do the same to our water meadows! Don’t ever, ever, ever re-open the proposals for an unnecessary bypass!

James and Jack! Go for a walk together! Look around you and see …


Oh, I’m back, and Hubby’s still in the process of declogging the pipes under the kitchen sink.

Time to retreat …


Copyright owned by Jay Cool, May 2019


*To learn more about the cattle on Sudbury’s water meadows, see this link.

Please also read Jay Cool’s other great works:

Getting Out of the Day Job 15: Why Hinch?

Getting Out of The Day Job 14: Microwave

Restlessness: A Savvy Poem

Chilled in Chilton


Published by The Silly-Savvy Salopian

Freelance writer and descendant of the cave dweller and outlaw, Humphrey Kynaston. Banished from Shropshire for my eccentricity, I have made my home in Suffolk. I write poetry, short stories, travel journals, comedy gig reviews and non-fiction articles. My wish is to write my way back into the heart of my birth land. All writing commissions (and free holidays in Shropshire!) considered.

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