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Not only do I have a clean oven, today I’ve added a clean microwave to my list of achievements.
Sadly, the whole Mrs Hinch cleaning thing has once again distracted me from starting my book – the book that I was going to, and still will, complete writing in a week! (I didn’t specify a start date, did I?)
Found quite a few antiquities beneath the microwave too, including a pack of food vouchers dated 2006! Have I really been living in this house for that long? Impossible!
I am the most prolific of the wandering nomads, descended as I am from the boat people of Shropshire’s canals.
How is it possible that I’ve lived in the same place since 2006? It’s not! Sprog 3 was born around then, and she was born when we lived in our last house! Must have brought the vouchers with us! Why?
How is it possible that I, Jay Cool, a being (of sorts), who cannot stay put for more than five years – due to nomadic genes -is also the greatest of the world’s hoarders? Surely my ancestors had to travel light, didn’t they? Why on this planet did I bring a pack of out-of-date Subway vouchers with me on a house move?
I blame the hubby! Must have been him! The impossible is always possible with a little mixing of the old genes.
And the book? Give me a chance – it’s only the start of my week off the day job! I’ll be getting onto it!
Right now, I’m a tad distracted by Prunella Scales and her hubby carrying on about their canal adventures. Canals? Might I be related to Prunella Scales? Is that where I get my acting talents form?
Anyone out there in need of a freelancer to do a spot of acting for them? Being a ginger descended from the Tudors, I’d make an excellent Elizabeth ! I’ve always wanted to play the role of Annie and do the most melodic interpretation of her best song ‘Tomorrow’. No? Am I too old? In which case, I can add to my repertoire an excellent impression of Ed Sheeran! Come on … You know you need me ..
Copyright owned by Jay Cool, May 2019
P.S. None of this Mrs Hinch cleaning stuff is as great as it does at first appear. Following the grand success of my shining microwave, I popped my cleaning cloths in the washing machine for a spin (following a Hinch recommendation). Twenty minutes later, Hubby started yelling as if in pain. I rushed to his side and found him floundering in a pool of water that had made its way out of the washing machine. Further investigation revealed that a food storage cupboard had also suffered from a mysterious flood. What Mr Hinch didn’t say was;
- Don’t pour the previous day’s dirty water down the sink, complete with disintegrated Brillo pads – it will block up the pipes – and the water has to go somewhere!
- Make sure there are no lumps of said Brillo pad mixed in with your micro-fibre cloths, when you pop them in the washing machine – the washing machine will object – big time!
- Forget the cleaning – leave it to Mrs Hinch!
- Hide from your Hubby!
- When your hiding place has been secured, stay in there for a long time and write that book!
- Find a publisher who will give you a large advance on your future earnings – as, now that you have given up the day job, you’ll have to be savvy when it comes to finding a way to pay your plumber!
7. Start cleaning up the kitchen again … tomorrow!
Disclaimer: If you purchase the Brillo product above, be sure to dispose of the remains via your bin! Otherwise, blame Mrs Hinch for the outcome! In the meantime, I will be nipping away with my commission money in hand.
*IF USING FLASH ALL-PURPOSE SPRAY TO CLEAN YOUR MICROWAVE OVEN, SWITCH OFF THE POWER AND UNPLUG IT FIRST; AND ONLY USE A SLIGHTLY DAMP CLOTH – THEN DRY ALL SURFACES OF YOUR MICROWAVE TO WITHIN AN INCH OF THEIR LIVES! LEAVE THE DOOR OPEN TO GIVE THE MICROWAVE OVEN A GOOD DRY-AIRING BEFORE PUTTING THE DEVICE BACK INTO ACTION.
P.S. Please, I beg of you, read some or all of my other posts, e.g.