What is it about cats? Why do the beasts have such a sense of entitlement that they take pleasure in decorating my lawn with their turds?
And why do they line the turds up in a row, directly beneath my washing line? Do they do this deliberately with a view to staking a claim upon the soles of my shoes, in the hope of depositing bits of themselves in various locations within my family home?
I am not Terry Pratchett! I do not, to my knowledge, have an army of carpet people all ready and waiting with thimblefuls of disinfectant and scrubbing brushes! Clear off cats! Carpet people welcome. Cats not.
My lawn may be small and it may be tiered, but it is not a cake. And it does not require iced-gem blobs of fake-chocolate. Anyone else remember iced gems – the seventies’ birthday party must-haves?
What my lawn does require is an army of voluntary pooper-scoopers.
Bring back the old days! What happened to the cats of my childhood? The ones who dug neat little holes to poop in? The ones who buried their poop in a bid to avoid undue attention? Is social media to blame?
Do cats have to do something to get themselves out there, to give themselves an audience, to steal a little bit of a something?
A snap of a moment for themselves?
Copyright owned by Jay Cool, 27th December 2019
P.S. Sadly, I was unable to locate a Pixabay image of a choc-iced gem for use in this post. Hence, I volunteered to take on the commission myself! Tate Modern, take notice! This has to be an improvement on Tracey Ermin’s bed. And it’s available, at a reasonable cost, for purchase! Get in touch!
P.P.S. Disgustingly, I have been able to take a snap of the cat turds on my lawn. Yes, all of the brown bits on the featured image are turds! And, no I really do not care how cute my neighbours’ cats are! Their manners are foul!
P.P.P.S. On the upside, a down-turned mince pie, mounted by a piece of chocolate-yule log, looks fantastic. Pop it into the microwave for 40 seconds, smother it with single cream and brandy sauce, and consume! It’s fab!
P.P.P.P.S. Sorry, the ensemble didn’t escape consumption for long enough to be photographed with the cream and sauce!
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