Savvy Letter – Dear Mr McDonald

Dear McD,

Although disgusted in the extreme by the amount of rubbish generated by your fast-food chain (particularly to one next to Homebase, in Sudbury), I write to you to bring your attention to another matter.

Yes, there are quite a lot of matters I could rant at you about, but – because I cannot afford to eat at your venue everyday – my time is limited, i.e. have to cook up some sprog food. And , no even though you might have some unsavoury ingredients (shinbone?) in your meat burgers, I prepare food for the sprogs, not food with the sprogs in it!

As an unemployed free-range writer, I like to fantasise about being J K Rowling. This entails sitting in cafes, where the tea is cheap, to read, write and edit my masterpieces. And whereas my preference, in terms of location, is Prado Lounge, sometimes my legs won’t make it from my cliff-top cave all the way down to the valley floor. Sometimes, only occasionally mind, my feet only get as far as McDonald’s.

Not the obvious environment for a great mind, but …

The tea is hotter than hot tea in other don’t-want-to-burn-the-customers venues, and it is cheaper than the still-reasonably-cheap tea in Prado Lounge.

Hence, a week last Monday, I found myself in McDonald’s slurping from some excellent tea, and editing my soon-to-be bestselling blockbuster.


Likewise, I soon found myself distracted from my editing by a floor mop that began to talk to me. The floor mop turned out not be battery operated or remote controlled.

Indeed, much to my surprise, the floor mop wasn’t even the talker. The talker was a very lovely lady, who complimented me on my highly-attractive spectacle frames. I made her day, I hope, by informing her that she could purchase her own pair for the grand total of £1 from Poundland.

So, before getting onto the object of my disgust, I must congratulate you on procuring such a wonderfully-communicative, friendly and cheerful mop lady. And I do hope, if she is reading this, that she was able to procure some Poundland specs, as I liked her so much, I would be quite happy to be her doppelganger.

Lovely lady aside, I will rant on.

Having enjoyed the tea so much, I started to feel a little wormy, i.e. as if my insides had been eaten away into non-existence. As such, I thought I’d check out your menu. And I couldn’t believe my luck that my favourite item, i.e. the only one I can eat, was on special offer. A few minutes later, I was the proud consumer of a delicious spicy-veggy wrap, for the bargain price of £1.99. Well-fed and watered, I hogged one of your tables for the rest of the day, and even finished doing the pencil edits for my whole book. Thankyou, McDonald’s.

Fired up with the success of my visit, I found my feet again taking me over to McDonald’s on the Tuesday. Drank a tea, played stickers with the coffee bean token, and … felt ravenous. The Spicy Veggie One?

No, not The Spicy-Veggie One! The wrap in question had suffered from inflation in excess of 33.3333333″ %!

Absolutely shocking!

Even more shocking was that on a Tuesday, it was cheaper by far to wolf down a chicken than a few rotten old vegetables!

Is this equality? Is this an example of the new environmentally-aware McDonald’s against global warming?

Really, its more than a bit much, for a vegetarian in receipt of Jobseeker’s Allowance to only be able to eat on a budget  for one day a week! An omnivore can feed at McDonald’s for £1.99 every single day of the week, whether it be vegetables, chicken, pig or cow on being offered on a special!

How is that fair?

How is it fair that customers who indulge in the flesh, can be encouraged to heat up the globe, until it bursts into flames and roasts us all, every single day of the week? How is it fair that the rest of us – the vegans, vegetarians and litter-pickers, have to make do with a cup of tea and an empty stomach?

Love your mop lady! Up her wages!

Love your spicy-veggie wraps! Do the environment a favour and make them available for £1.99 (or less) everyday of the week!

As Greta Thunberg said, then ‘No One is Too Small to Make a Difference’.

Not even you, Mr McDonald!


So, see to it!

Very respectfully yours,

Jay Cool

P.S. Please note, Mr McDonald, that following my rant about the lack of free-range chicken on offer for purchase by the vegetarian mothers of omnivorous sprogs, Tesco’s shelf-packers very kindly reunited me with their packs of free-range chicken wings and legs. Not that the chickens in question, would have thought it quite so considerate! Sorry chickens. It can’t be fun to be murdered for the nourishment of three sprogs and a Hubby.

Image by cocoparisienne from Pixabay

Silly Letter – Dear Boris

Savvy Letter – Dear Top-Notch Editor

Savvy Letter – Dear Tesco

Disclaimer: Should you choose to purchase a book by Greta Thunberg, via my link to Waterstones, I will receive a small commission (Have earned 40p to date! Does that mean I’m now a writer – officially?)

Published by The Silly-Savvy Salopian

Freelance writer and descendant of the cave dweller and outlaw, Humphrey Kynaston. Banished from Shropshire for my eccentricity, I have made my home in Suffolk. I write poetry, short stories, travel journals, comedy gig reviews and non-fiction articles. My wish is to write my way back into the heart of my birth land. All writing commissions (and free holidays in Shropshire!) considered.

2 thoughts on “Savvy Letter – Dear Mr McDonald

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: