It’s Saturday, i.e. shopping day!
And I’m all excited because, according to the Metro online, I can purchase a Zimmerman dress identical to the one worn by the recently-engaged Princess Beatrice, for the mere price of £595 from Zimmerman.
Tragically, my Jobseeker’s Allowance won’t stretch to it. Disaster!
Alternatively, if I take advice from Hello I could go for the M & S lookalike version at the lesser price of £65! But, even so, this would only leave about £7 for the rest of my weekly needs!
Pretty Little Thing? Influence? Mango?
Okay, so I can’t afford my preferred design by Mango at £79.99, but I could opt for Influence – the fashion experts at Good Housekeeping, tell they do the floral look for only £20! Not bad value, but still a significant portion of my JSA down the drain for a dress I’ll be lucky to find opportunity to wear even once!
So what do I do?
I rarely wear dresses – I have a drawers quashed full with denim shorts from Next, New Look and Dorothy Perkins. And another drawer (yes, I only have two!), jam-packed with men’s t-shirts from Sainsbury‘s.
T-shirts rather like the one I’m donning today, featuring a very becoming motorbike! At the age of almost-fifty, I have to get the old adrenaline going somehow! Look out, Chicago!
But there is a must-have something to Beatrice’s dress that appeals to a middle-aged ginger. Beatrice and I go back a long way – united by our shared MC1R genes. She’s just a little-less wrinkly than this older version of herself, but if I could only get hold of a dress like that, I would be sure to shed a few years (and a few pounds of the old middle-aged spread). It’s a challenge and who else can rise to it on a budget, if Jay Cool can’t?
The charity shops must be able to cough something up. I’m on my way! British Heart Foundation?
Await the photo shoot …
Okay, so I’ve just returned from my hunting spree. I checked out all the charity shops in my local town and did I find a Princess Beatrice lookalike floral number? No!
But, …. all is not yet lost! I’m about to peruse the web for a cheap-newbie alternative.
Ebay has produced!
I’ve just paid up for an autumnal-floral frock – and it was only £10.88! Bargain! Take a look via this link! Okay, so it’s more of a wild-nature reserve than Princess Beatrice’s cultivated flower-bed version – but it is about £385 cheaper, so who can argue with that? And, yes, I was originally on the hunt for a secondhand (1) dress and, being ‘new’, this Unbranded frock’s not as environmentally friendly as I would like, but think of the benefits!
If, on my next stroll into the wilds of Chilton, I take a few selfies, I might create enough awe and wonder to convince my local district council, Babergh, to scrap plans to replace these scenes ..
… with something akin to this!
Now, at this point, I would ordinarily gift you with some selfies to show my new and Unbranded frock off to the world, but …
I’m not going to!
Sorry, but there’s a three-day wait on the Ebay delivery . Have patience. As my late Nanna Cool used to say: Good things come to those who wait!’
Fortunately, tomorrow I visit the big city – I haven’t finished with my quest for Beatrice’s pre-used-lookalike frock quite yet!
The charity shops of the big city have produced – just look at this floral wonder from Cancer Research UK in Ipswich! Not quite the same as Princes Bea’s, i.e. quite a lot different), but it’s loads better – because it’s modelled by moi, and it shows off one’s legs!
For those of you out there who’d prefer a full-length view of my good self, then tough luck – there’s no way you’re catching a glimpse of my middle-age spread!
All is not lost, though! As you can see, Jay Cool’s doppelganger is happy to step in on this occasion (especially as, she’s identified an opportunity to gain maximum publicity, on the back of Princess Beatrice’s announcement, for her own engagement!). So, here goes! Meet Miss Pony (aka Ms Jay Cool) and her lucky beau ..
And, yes I know you’re worrying about the cost of it all, what with me being on Jobseeker’s Allowance, but worry not! This little number was well under budget, setting me back by the grand total of just £3!
And, all of the accessories are pre-owned! Bargain, or what? Not that this will matter in the future because, once Miss Pony’s married, her handsome hubby – Mr Metal Detector – is going to dig up some valuables and make her (me!) rich!
To find out what happens when I, Jay Cool, hit the big city, do follow this link
P.S. None of the links in this post will make me any money whatsoever, i.e. I am not on commission from Ebay, Pretty Little Thing, Cancer Research UK, or any other dress sellers!
P. P. S. But, I do promote books on behalf of Waterstones for a small commission, so here are some links to my book reviews. Make your purchases!