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This is the day.
No, Dad*, this is not ‘the day that the Lord has made’! This is the day for my umpteenth guitar and singing lesson. Today, I get to hear a recording of me, my two-weeks ago self, singing Suzanne Vega’s Luka.
With a sense of impending disaster, I jump into DD (my loyal Dacia Sandero), and allow myself to be zoomed off to Lexden.
I arrive with almost an hour to spare; not, because I am keen, but because I need to get the whole torturous process of listening to myself over with as quickly as possible. Also, it gives me plenty of time to stay seated in DD, reading a good book. I dig into my backpack and retrieve ‘Bookworm’ by Lucy Mangan. It’s not without some resentment that I purchased this piece of genius; this is, after all, by an author who had the foresight to put her thoughts into action, and beat me to my own idea of writing a childhood-reading memoir. She who hesitates is lost!
Half a page later, and I’m all done in. I like the word ‘quintessence’ and make a note of it (should inspire the muse), before abandoning my roasting-hot DD; if I read any further, I’ll be well and truly cooked-up.
Just round the corner is a turnstile, leading out of this residential suburb and into enchantment. I’m in the Hilly Field Nature Reserve and this is what living is all about. I swap the book for my Nokia and start snapping. Crouch, squat, snap. Crouch, squat ….
‘The memory is full. You must delete some photos to free up space, before you can take any more.’
Whose idea was it to purchase a Nokia? I need a bigger memory to compensate for my own very tiny one!
Select. Delete. Select. Delete * lots of times!
Crouch, squat, snap. Crouch, squat ….
‘The memory is full. You must delete some photos to free up space, before you can take any more.’
Select. Delete. Select. Delete * lots of times!
Crouch, squat, snap. Crouch, squat ….
‘The memory is full. You must delete some photos to free up space, before you can take any more.’
Select. Delete. Select. Delete * lots of times!
Crouch, squat, snap. Crouch, squat ….
‘The memory is full. You must delete some photos to free up space, before you can take any more.’
Select. Delete. Select. Delete * lots of times!
Crouch, squat, snap. Crouch, squat ….
Put the last few lines on repeat * lots of times, and it just about sums up the next hour. Hour? I only had … less than an hour to kill!
Kill. Kill the Nokia. I’m late for my own preview recording!
Up. Go. Run …..
It’s bad. More than bad. Jay Cool has the most incredible talent at getting the flat notes just so! She’s excruciating to listen to, and I make a mental note to steal a pair of my son’s foam earplugs ready for my next music lesson. Fortunately, my tutor’s a dab hand at fiddling about with the electronic tuning and, before the less-than-an-hour’s lesson is up, I find I can just about tolerate the din. He tells me that all the best singer’s have their recordings fine tuned by the software. Even Lady Gaga!
He doesn’t fool me with his white lies. As Joanna, of Love Island says, each little white lie can lead up to the big one!
And here comes the big one!
‘Your tone is perfect!’
And the catch?
‘You just need to work on the vocal exercises to access the right notes!’
Cheers!
So I can’t sing, but I’m not giving up the day job to launch my singing career, and I have taken some pretty cool photographs. Just take a look at the rest today’s collection:
My favourite pic? That’s easy – it’s the half-dead daisies! Some bits dropping off and the rest raring to go ………
THAT’S ME!
Copyright owned by Jay Cool, July 2019
*Please do excuse any interceptions by my dad – he can’t help it! Thinks he’s still doing his man of the cloth day job! No, dad, you’re retired now … It’s okay to descend from the pulpit!
The Silly-Savvy Salopian in Suffolk: read, believe and write ... 