Pleased to be notified of a new follower, and knowing that ‘one good turn deserves another’, I, in turn, click through to the good man’s website.
The first post I come across offers words of profound advice to errant women. In summary:
Women should take a look at themselves in the mirror, the author instructs, before moaning about their heartbreak at the loss of a boyfriend. Were they a little slimmer, when the ex first fell in lust with them? Is it time to shed a few pounds? Have they changed the way they dress? If so, then they must, once again, dress in the fashions that first caught the attention of their true love. And horror of all horrors, have they been embarrassing themselves by playing the chaser?
It is, the reader is informed, the man’s role to do the hunting. The dumped girlfriend must: recreate her younger, slimmer and more attractively dressed and hair-styled self. Then all that she will need to do to win her man back, is to sit still, looking pretty – and wait!
To resummarise, then this is what I believe the good man is trying to convey to his lady reader:
You, my good lady, have moved on. You have evolved to become something that is mature, sophisticated, well-rounded and perceptive.
I envy you.
I, being a man, have regressed to being something less than even the boy I once was. In short, then I do not have much time left; the rapidity of the devolution process for me, a mere man, means that – very shortly – I will disappear from sight altogether. I hope that my Mother’s womb is ready to receive me, as I crawl back into the space in which I was nurtured.
Dear Mother,
It is time for me to repay my debt to you. As I shrink inside you, I will be reabsorbed into your body, and will henceforward provide the sustenance to keep you moving forwards for perpetuity.
But, for me, dear Mother – this the end.
Your devoted son. XXX
As man ends, woman continues.
And this, in Jay Cool’s world, is evolution!
Copyright owned by Jay Cool, a middle-aged lady who is proud to announce that she can no longer squeeze into a pair of Size 12 denim shorts from Sainsbury’s, but a tad less-proud to announce that neither could she fit into a Size 14. And no, Jay Cool did not return to the display rails to collect a Size 16 – she no longer shops at Sainsbury’s! If Sainsbury’s still wants Jay Cool, it will have to do the chasing!
The Silly-Savvy Salopian in Suffolk: read, believe and write ... 