An Exotic Photo-Shoot at The Tap


Well, I’m back (again!) Back from an inspection of the loos at The Brewery Tap (plenty of bog roll!). And, I ‘m standing back, standing back with the rest of the punters in the Tap; standing back to make room for the crane that’s been sent in to lift Jason Ventris out of his mango-maternity frock (seems he stole it from Wallmart and now they want it back!) Although a little disillusioned (On my arrival, I really did believe I was special guest Blogger for a Wallmart fashion preview!), I’m hanging on to my usual positivity and I’m moving on.

Clayton Harrison, comic-freak kid, is here. No doubt you’re thinking that he’s looking a little too much on the weather-worn side to be entitled to the look-at-me-I’m-still-fresh label of kid. But, you need to be here, here in The Tap, here listening to the poor lamb’s backstory before you make assumptions. Clayton, you see, is a little bit special; born at the physical age of five year’s old, he’s still rather delicate and impressionable, especially when it comes to taking advice on matters of moral judgement.

If you need further evidence to be convinced of Clayton’s social immaturity, then consider the time when he took a visit to a Christian Day Care centre, and came out with a strong conviction that everyone of God’s children should be treated exactly as if they were Jesus. And, to be fair, then it is true that parents should abide by equality laws and never have a favourite. But poor wee Clayton did exactly what he was told; when the TV Licence man came round, Clayton nailed him up on the For Sale sign in his front garden. You would think this might be a plus to potential buyers, but apparently not – Clayton’s still in situ.


I’m guessing that Clayton’s the type of Essex lad who was born and bred on homeground and who will die and be buried on homeground. Not so, with Maggie!

Maggie Kowaski’s the next comedian on the billing and she’s come all the way from Poland. You wouldn’t think she was from a foreign land, though, as she seems to have assimilated very quickly into our British ways. No Citizenship Test required for Maggie – she’s one of our own, a true Brit! She’s been on set for ten minutes, now, and she’s still rabbitting on about the weather. Seems she avoided paying for double-glazing to keep out the wind and the rain, by purchasing a raincoat instead. Being perceptive (admittedly not a British trait), Maggie’s right on the ball by concluding that ‘one doesn’t need double-glazing when one has a Mac’! Think I’ll leave her gassing on about the weather, but I’m here at The Tap on the hunt for something a little more exotic than that.  I’m here for …

Chris Norton-Walker!

Chris Norton-Walker? Exotic? He might, according to him, be the biggest name in comedy – both in the physical and imaginary sense – and he might even have a very long twenty-three letter name – but exotic? Okay, I’m not sure that’s quite the image he has in mind, when he describes his own face as containing the opening three clues for a game of Bingo: ‘Beard, bald and glasses!’ But what Chris doesn’t know is that Jay Cool has updated the traditional version of Guess Who?to be all inclusive. Whereas he is picturing this:


Chris Norton-Walker’s outdated Guess Who? game
I, Jay Cool, gone-viral-around-the-globe Blogger; I, am conjuring up these exciting and exotically-colourful images:


Saint Patrick’s day reveller, by Nick Gray


Geoffrey Bilder at Wikimania 2014 – London caption

And anyway, as Chris says, he’s not from Sudbury – he’s from St Alban’s. And, let’s face it, when you’re stuck here in Sudbury, trapped in a valley by a mountain range, even a comedian from St Alban’s is just a little bit (a big bit in Chris’ case) exotic! I must remember to have a word with PJ later; I’m all for cost cutting, but it’s a bit rough dropping the headliner comedian in by the giant crane that took the opening act comedian, Jason Ventris, out! (Even if, in view of the significant size of the acts, Virgin airways did refuse to give PJ the special offer of four seats for the price of two!)


Still, no doubt Jason Ventris’ photo shoot for Wallmart has helped to boost the funds – just a little!


Jason Ventris slapping PJ away, on the realisation that this is a ‘charity’ gig!


Copyright owned by Jay Cool, August 2017



Disclaimer: All inaccuracies made in the transcription of the comedian’s acts are not the fault of Jay Cool; they are the fault of the mango cider readily available, by the barrel, at The Brewery Tap.


Future events: Any readers who would like to be similarly transported into the imaginary world of the Blogger, need to get themselves down to the Tap, on the first Wednesday of every month, to see all the forthcoming Suffolk Punch Comedy Club gigs (and to visit the Tap every day and evening in between times to drink as much mango cider as they can before Jay Cool dries the barrel up!)


Entry: The Wednesday night comedy event is free. But very generous donations into our charity pot, in aid of Prostate Cancer Research are more-than welcome.



Photos: The photo of Geoffrey Bilder is a creative commons image, for which the link providing details is as follows:

The photo of the green reveller is a creative commons image by Nick Gray: Uploaded by Wikimedia Commons from under the licence:

Other photos are taken by the author, Jay Cool.




Published by The Silly-Savvy Salopian

Freelance writer and descendant of the cave dweller and outlaw, Humphrey Kynaston. Banished from Shropshire for my eccentricity, I have made my home in Suffolk. I write poetry, short stories, travel journals, comedy gig reviews and non-fiction articles. My wish is to write my way back into the heart of my birth land. All writing commissions (and free holidays in Shropshire!) considered.

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