Dear Dom,
Yes, it is me again! Me, Jay Cool!
And yes, I know that you gave me the sack before I even got the job, or for that matter, before I even received a response! And, yes, I know that you haven’t had time to read my application letter yet, hence the prematurely-premature sacking. And, I even know that you said not to complain about the sacking after the event, when I was warned about it before the event – the event that wasn’t an event. But, ..
You said that, if ignored, be persistent. So, here I am.
Again.
Like yourself, I’ve never been one to take kindly to having my inspirationally-impulsive moments overturned in a jiffy by a load of stuffy-old-stuck-up-their-own-a***s bureaucrats, so I am, therefore … here …
Again.
And again.
That makes three agains (just in case you, like myself, went to a Northern Comprehensive School and, acquired PTSD (from bullying received at the hands of the anti-weirdo gang), and then suffered amnesia, forgetting everything you learnt in Primary School, including how to count to three).
Again + again + again = 3 agains.
But back to the point (the point?), the reason I write again (=4) is inform you that I wish to withdraw my application for the post of Junior Researcher. I know this will surprise you, as you sacked me before even pulling my letter out of your sack of, but really you only have yourself to blame. I mean, why oh why oh why didn’t you just advertise for the type of person you really wanted in the first place? If only you had blogged about your actual requirement for an Any-Age (but preferably Middle-Aged) Researcher in the first place, we both could have saved ourselves a lot of unnecessary bother!
You wouldn’t have experienced the humiliation of having a lowly-positioned Spokesperson from No.10 inform the press that you were acting above your station! How dare he? (It was a he, if you trust the credibility of The Guardian’s reference to a Spokesman!) It now appears that in publishing your post, you were bypassing the usual procedures of recruitment.
Very surprising indeed; shocking, almost!
And, I, Jay Cool, weirdest of the weird, wouldn’t be experiencing the humiliation of being sacked before my email has even been opened!
Still, if there’s a lesson to be learnt from all of this sordidness for both of us, it’s this:
If one is a Weirdo, one should remain a Weirdo in isolation from other Weirdos. One Weirdo should never put their trust in another Weirdo.
Jay Cool should never have put her trust in Dominic Cummings. One Misfit is not the same as another Misfit, even if they both do both sport the best in silly faces and savvy hats! At this point, I would like to place us both, my dear Dom, side by side, for a spot the difference comparison. But, alas – the UK’s copyright laws (can’t we just bypass them?), won’t allow for it! So, here goes – you’re stuck with me!
So, my dear Dom, although it is with much regret that I withdraw the application I sent direct to the email address provided in your blog, all is not lost. I need an assistant (unpaid) for a project I am currently embroiled in. It has the title: ‘The Hiring & Firing of Misfitting Weirdos in Whitehall’.
Should you feel in a position to assist, please get in touch ASAP!
Yours with the utmost of sincerity,
Jay Cool, The Silly-Savvy Salopian, 7th January 2020
Image by PublicDomainPictures from Pixabay
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