Sir Humphrey Kynaston (1468-1534), Jay Cool’s 12th Great Grandad & 15th Great Uncle, of Myddle Castle and Nescliffe Cave, Shropshire
For, some years earlier, my Great Granduncledad Humphrey had been extremely disloyal and wasteful, abandoning his first wife and two children, leaving them to fend for themselves, having spent all his inherited wealth on good ale and plush stagecoaches. Humphrey, you understand, was not, as might be indicated from his cave abode, of lowly origins. No, far from it. For, prior to this, he had lived like a prince in the nearby manor house, Myddle Castle [Plate 5], with his doting mother, the Lady Elizabeth Grey, a descendant of the royal Plantagenet family, and his father, Sir Roger Kynaston, Constable of Denbigh Castle, High Sheriff of Shropshire, and a Knight of the Realm. With all the advantages of high birth, Humphrey must have done something truly dreadful to have ended up in a cave.  It was, however, only right and correct that Humphrey made the decision to leave his wife, Mariona Williams, for if Gough is to be believed, she was the equivalent of our modern-day chav, more suited to a Nike label than a coat of arms; and, besides anything else, her father still hadn’t paid the dowry he’d promised Humphrey, which at thirty pounds was not to be scoffed at.
Still, it was pretty cold in a cave, without the company of a wife so, as Humphrey drifted off into a drunken sleep, his heart-rate at one with Beezlebub’s, he dreamt of a better future.
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 The Hobbit hadn’t even been invented at that time, so we can’t blame J R Tolkien for brainwashing Humphrey into becoming some kind of a nerdy role-play or re-enactment obsessive!
I’ve no idea whether Humphrey really did fancy his chances with John Hughe’s wife, but if the producers of the TV series ‘The Tudors’ can make up nasty and turgid scenarios for my ancestor, 3rd cousin 17 times removed, cousin,Thomas Culpepper (1514-1541), solely for the purpose of pulling in the punters, then I see no reason why I can’t do the same for Uncle Humphrey!
 Too much, even for those of us who watched ‘Nightmare on Elm Street’ in the early eighties, without turning to our neighbor screaming and begging for release, or a quick retreat over his or her knee to the cinema’s toilet!
The following sources were referred to during Jay Cool’s research:
https://www.revolvy.com/topic/Humphrey%20Kynaston&uid=1575 – Revolvy
‘Antiquities and Memoirs of the Parish of Myddle: County of Salop (A.D. 1700)’ by Richard Gough (Henry Sotheran & Co., London, 1875).
‘Pursing an Outlaw – The Real Wild Humphrey Kynaston’ by David Hamilton, in (The New English Review Press, June, 2011).
Disclaimer: Please refer to Jay Cool’s ‘About the Author’ blog post.